“I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase.”
— 1 Corinthians 3:6

The recent changes at Heart2Heart have had me thinking about all the women the Lord has brought into my life through this ministry. Over the past twenty years, some of you have been with us through many studies, conferences, and retreats. Some of you came for a season, and some of you are just getting to know us.

I’ve been thinking about what you ladies have given me over the years, too. Sometimes a question at Bible study sends me back to a passage I thought I understood. Sometimes a woman tells me a little about her week, and I go home thinking about what it looks like to trust the Lord in circumstances I’ve never faced. She may never know how much I needed to hear what she shared.

I wonder who has done that for you. Maybe a woman prayed with you when you couldn’t find the words yourself. Maybe someone helped you find your way around the Bible when you were just beginning to read it. She may have forgotten the conversation by now. You might still remember where you were sitting.

It’s easier to see what those moments meant when we were the ones receiving the care. When we’re the ones giving it, we often see very little of what happens afterward. We know we prayed. We know we tried to help. And sometimes we’re left wondering whether any of it mattered.

I’ve been coming back to what Paul wrote to the Corinthians. They had begun taking sides over the leaders they followed. Some claimed Paul, and others claimed Apollos. Paul asks them to remember how they came to believe. He and Apollos were servants through whom they heard and received the truth, each doing the work the Lord had given him. Paul brought them the gospel, and Apollos came along and helped them grow in their understanding.

Then Paul says, “I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase.” In the very next verse, he puts the emphasis on God again. The one who plants and the one who waters are both servants. The One who gives the increase is God.

I think about what that meant for the people sitting there hearing Paul’s letter. They could remember who first told them about Jesus. They might remember who helped them understand something they’d struggled with. Paul wanted them to see the Lord’s hand in their own story. God had given them people to teach and care for them, and God Himself was at work in them as they heard and believed.

There’s a difference between hearing someone tell you that you can trust the Lord and beginning to trust Him yourself. A friend can sit beside you, open Scripture, and pray with you. She can come back next week and do it again. And somewhere in the middle of what you’re going through, the Lord can use the very words you’ve heard many times to help you take a step of faith. Your friend may be at home praying for you when it happens. God is there for all of it.

I often think about the women I spent years with in Wisconsin before moving back to North Carolina. Thinking about them reminds me how little of anyone’s story one person gets to see. I rarely get to talk with those ladies now, but I still think of them and pray for them almost every day. Some are leading groups of their own, and it makes me happy to think of the women they get to know and care for. I’m grateful I had a part in their lives for those years. The Lord was at work in them before I knew them, and He has been with them through every year since.

That’s part of what I love about Paul’s picture. One person plants and another waters. In verse 8, Paul says they are one. The Corinthians were taking sides between people whose work belonged together. God knew what those believers needed at each point along the way. He gave Paul and Apollos their parts, and He gave the growth.

A little later in the chapter, Paul changes the picture from a field to a building. He says that Jesus Christ is the foundation and tells each person to take care how he builds. I need that part of the chapter, too. When a woman comes to me with something painful, I can take the time to hear what she’s saying. If I share a verse, I can make sure I’ve paid attention to what it means. If I speak too quickly or hurt her, I can go back and make it right. The Lord has given me something real to do, and it matters how I do it.

But I need to be just as clear about where my responsibility ends. God gives me responsibility for how I love someone. The work of changing her heart belongs to Him. I can forget that when I love someone and want so much for her. A mother can spend years praying for her child and take every painful choice he makes as evidence that she failed him. When a friend keeps struggling, we can lie awake replaying the conversation, sure that if we’d found the right words, something would have changed. Before we make ourselves answer for how things turned out, we can ask the Lord, “Is there something You’re asking me to do, or am I carrying a responsibility You never gave me?”

Sometimes He’ll bring something specific to mind. We may need to listen better, apologize, or ask for help. We can take that step. And if we catch ourselves still trying to figure out how to make someone change, we can tell the Lord how much we want to see growth and put that longing back in His hands. We can love someone deeply without carrying responsibility for what happens in her heart. That work has always belonged to God.

I take comfort in that when I’m praying about something I’ve prayed about for a long time. The Lord knows how much I’m longing to see change. He also knows what’s going on in that person’s life when I’m nowhere near her. I can keep loving her without treating her progress as a report card on my worth. And I can pray again tomorrow with hope, because God can reach her in ways I never could.

Paul goes on to say that each will receive a reward according to his own labor. Hebrews 6:10 reminds us that God remembers the work and love His people have shown toward His name in serving others. I think of the woman getting up in the night to care for someone who can’t thank her, or the woman who’s been praying for the same friend for years. God knows each act of care. He knows how it fits into a life whose whole story only He can see.

When I pray for you ladies, I think about where the Lord has you right now. Some of you may be stepping into a new area of ministry. Some of you will go to the same job tomorrow or care for the same people you cared for today. I pray He’ll help you notice the person who needs your patience or your attention. I pray He’ll bring His Word to mind when you need it for your own heart and when you have a chance to share it with someone else. And when you find yourself wondering whether you’ve done enough, I pray He’ll give you the peace to do the part He’s given you and leave the increase in His hands.

So how do we measure what matters? I think about the women who prayed for me, opened Scripture with me, and cared for me in ways they may have forgotten. I can see now that God used their care in my life. And when I wonder whether I’ve made any difference for someone else, I can ask the Lord to show me how to love her well today. I can do that with care and leave the work of changing her heart with Him. He knows what He’s growing, even when I can’t see it.

Your Heart Sister,
Mikki 💜

God calls us to serve faithfully. We can trust Him with the growth we cannot produce and the results we cannot fully measure.

Father, thank You for the people who have planted and watered in our lives, and thank You for the growth You have given. Help us care for the people You’ve placed around us with patience, wisdom, and love. Show us where we need to listen better or make something right. You know the people we’ve been praying for and the changes we long to see. When we start carrying a responsibility You never gave us, help us put it back in Your hands. Teach us to do our part with care, to keep praying with hope, and to trust You for the increase. In Jesus’ name, Amen.