70 Times 7

Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” – Matthew 18:21–22

Can I be honest with you? There is a hurt I bring to the Lord almost daily.

Someone close to me hurt me deeply. It felt like betrayal. And when someone you love hurts you that way, it isn’t something you can just brush off and move on from.

I have prayed about it. I have asked God to help me forgive. And when I tell Him I am choosing to forgive this person, I mean it. In my heart of hearts, I do.

But then something happens that reminds me.

A conversation. A thought. Something that brings that hurt right back to the surface. And suddenly, I’m fighting anger and resentment over something I thought I had already laid at Jesus’ feet.

Then comes the question that makes the struggle even harder: “Lord, if I really forgave, why am I still feeling this way?”

Some days, it almost feels like “fake it till you make it.” I’m choosing forgiveness, but my feelings haven’t caught up. And I start wondering whether the struggle itself means I haven’t really forgiven at all.

Maybe you know exactly what I’m talking about.

This is where Jesus’ words about forgiving “seventy times seven” have been meeting me lately.

In Matthew 18, Peter asks Jesus, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answers, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”

I have always understood that as forgiving someone for repeated offenses. They hurt me, and I forgive them. They do something else, and I forgive them again. Same person, another offense, another choice to forgive.

And that is what Peter’s question is about: how often he must forgive someone who sins against him. Jesus’ answer takes away the limit Peter is trying to set. Forgiveness isn’t supposed to become a running tally until we finally reach the number that lets us say, “That’s enough. I’m done.”

But lately, I’ve been wondering about another way that truth reaches into our lives.

What about when the person hasn’t done something new? What about when the same offense hurts again?

Could “seventy times seven” also speak to the times I need to choose forgiveness over the same hurt, because another reminder has brought it back up?

I’m not saying that changes what Jesus was teaching Peter. I’m saying I’m beginning to see how His call to forgive without keeping count applies to the struggle I’m living through.

Sometimes the repeated part isn’t what the other person is doing. It’s what I’m having to bring back to the Lord.

That has helped me put words to something I didn’t understand. I kept thinking that if I had sincerely forgiven this person, I shouldn’t have to struggle so hard the next time I remembered what happened.

But forgiveness and healing don’t always happen at the same pace.

Choosing to forgive doesn’t erase the memory. It doesn’t undo what happened or immediately take away the sadness. I can mean every word when I say, “Lord, I forgive,” and still have a tender place that hurts when something touches it.

And an unwanted reminder is not the same as a decision to hold a grudge.

I need that distinction, because sometimes I’m so discouraged by the hurt returning that I start questioning everything I already brought to God.

There is, though, a difference between a memory coming to mind and choosing to stay there feeding it.

I know how easily I can move from remembering what happened to replaying every detail. I start thinking about what I should have said, what they should have done, and how unfair the whole thing was. And the longer I stay there, the more room resentment seems to take up.

That is where I need to stop and ask the Lord for help.

In Ephesians 4:31–32, Paul tells us to put away bitterness and anger and to be kind and tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God forgave us in Christ.

Those words reach right into this struggle. I am called to forgive, and I also need God’s help with what is happening in my heart as I walk that out.

Hebrews 12:15 warns about a root of bitterness growing and causing trouble. That picture of a root makes sense to me. Roots can grow beneath the surface before we realize how far they have spread.

If I keep feeding resentment, it can begin affecting more than my thoughts about one person. It can spill into how I speak, how I respond to people who had nothing to do with the hurt, and how much room there is for joy in my day.

I don’t want that. I don’t want what happened to keep shaping my heart that way.

But surrendering it is hard, especially when part of me still wants this person to understand how deeply they hurt me.

Romans 12:19 tells us not to take revenge, but to leave judgment to God. That asks something difficult of us. It asks us to trust Him with wrongs we cannot make right ourselves.

For me, that means bringing Him both the hurt and my desire to settle it on my own terms. It means admitting, “Lord, I still want them to understand. I still want an answer that makes this make sense. Help me trust You even while those things remain unresolved.”

Forgiveness doesn’t mean the wrong no longer matters. It matters enough that I need to place it in the hands of a God who sees it fully.

It also doesn’t mean trust is automatically restored. There may still be consequences or boundaries. Forgiving someone doesn’t require pretending the relationship hasn’t changed.

But I can choose to forgive while being honest about all of that.

And when I struggle, I can remember why Paul points us back to how God has forgiven us in Christ. I have needed mercy, too. Remembering His mercy helps soften my heart without requiring me to minimize what happened.

That brings me back to the question I keep asking: “If I really forgave, why am I here again?”

Maybe coming back with the same hurt doesn’t mean my earlier forgiveness was fake. Maybe this is where I put that choice into practice again.

I can’t control every reminder that comes. But when it does, I can ask God to help me keep that reminder from becoming another place for bitterness to grow.

I don’t want Satan using this struggle to convince me there is no point in trying, or that my prayers weren’t sincere because I still need help.

God knows the difference between words I don’t mean and a choice I’m struggling to live out. I can be honest with Him about both my willingness to forgive and how much it still hurts.

Sometimes that honesty sounds like this:

“Father, here I am with this again. I meant it when I said I forgive, and I’m choosing to forgive again today. But You know what this reminder stirred up in me. Please help me with the anger. Show me where I’m holding on to resentment, and help me release it. I need You to heal what still hurts.”

Friend, if you’re struggling with this too, you are not alone. I don’t have all the answers, and I’m still walking through it myself. But I want to encourage you: the fact that it still hurts does not, by itself, mean your choice to forgive wasn’t sincere.

God sees the choice you’re making even when it’s a hard one. He knows when you’re asking Him to help you forgive because you truly want to, even while everything in you aches. You don’t have to hide that struggle from Him or wait until your feelings settle down before you come.

Hebrews 4:16 invites us to come boldly to His throne of grace to receive mercy and find help in our time of need. And sometimes our time of need is right in the middle of an ordinary day, when an unexpected reminder brings back a hurt we thought we had laid down.

You can come to Him right then. You don’t need a polished prayer. “Lord, this hurts again, and I need Your help” is an honest place to start.

I used to picture “seventy times seven” as forgiving the same person for a long list of different offenses. Now those words also remind me of the many times we may need God’s help to keep choosing forgiveness over one deep hurt.

So when the memory comes back, hold on to this: you can bring it to Him again. His invitation to come for mercy and help is still open.

Today, ask Him for the grace to forgive and for His care over the part of your heart that still hurts. You don’t have to figure out the whole healing process before taking that next step with Him.

And if tomorrow is hard too, you won’t have to face it alone.

The same Savior who calls us to forgive invites us to come to Him for help.

Seventy times seven.

Your Heart Sister,
Mikki 💜

What if “seventy times seven” sometimes means choosing forgiveness for the same hurt, again and again? Still hurting doesn’t mean your forgiveness isn’t sincere.

Lord, You know the hurts we keep bringing back to You. We want to forgive, but some days it’s hard. When the memories stir up anger, help us come to You before we let resentment settle in. Remind us that we can be honest with You about what still hurts. Help us keep choosing forgiveness, and heal the places in our hearts that still need Your care. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.